I refuse to wrap myself in "Caution" tape and lock my heart away. In reflecting upon the last several months and all of the heartbreak and soul-shattering pain that has bombarded me, I am baffled that my heart is actually more full and more open to giving and accepting love than ever before. How does that happen? I know that my self-love is filling up my veins more than ever and that has kept me alive and breathing. I also have realized that experiencing your heart shattering gives you the opportunity to learn how to put those pieces together for yourself which, in turn, let's you see the most beautiful and the darkest parts of yourself. I have been given the gift of knowing myself through and through. And the most astounding realization is that I have so much love to give- it's infinite. Sure, I have fears and doubts and moments where my breath hitches in my chest and the wound tears. But between those moments, I have a warm sun inside of me that radiates out. And, as my good friend says, my sun shines the brightest and the warmest during those difficult moments.
Any semi-decent therapist will tell you that, in order to survive great loss, you must chew your way through all of the tough feelings- the pain, the anger, the sadness, the uncertainty, the denial... If you side-step these feelings, you will be facing them again later in life. The only way that I have learned how to do this is to hold myself with a gentle, unwavering positive regard as I try to walk gently through the changing landscape of my life and my love.
As is tradition, I would like to include one of my favorite songs in this post. The beautiful Stevie Nicks sang these words and I have listened to them for many years. Now, when listening to this song, I am amazed at how the meaning has transformed:
Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handles the seasons of my life?
I don't know.
Well I've been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you.
Well time makes us bolder and children get older and I'm getting older to.
