A Pleasantly Hopeless Righteous Mamma (PG-13)

Some old stuff mixed in with some new stuff. Lots of raw stuff.  The first couple are a bit more edgier than my normal stuff. 

- Ode to the Boy on Fire -
(imagine reading this out loud in a choppy/rhythmic/rappy way)

Sulfur match stick rip
Fire flares from my hip
Burning falls to the floor
Feet pedal to the door
Echoes of screams and shouts
Lungs turned inside out
Sizzle pop flicker on
Crawling low upon the lawn
Red lights blind my eyes
Closing up smoke-filled skies
Mamma dear what have I done
Made you die inside the sun
Haunted by ghostly faces
Trailing hope in scattered traces
Heart beats panicked fear
Warm arms in the clear
Living lonely loathing touch
Giving grace would be too much
Here I sit inside my wall
Picking up that matchstick fall

-Hand Me the Sun-

Deep blue pool wells
Dive into black hurt
Shrouded in cigarette smoke and booze
Souls live lifetimes
And big hearts scar
Don’t look away, don’t look away
Lock in on me
Stay here
Stay present
Loving you is parting the red sea
Pushing through your defenses
Shove aside bullshit excuses
I see you
I see you
I see all of you
Don’t look away, don’t look away
Stay with me
Stay present
Hand me the sun
I’ll burn my hands
But I’ll wield fire into your dark
Till a million brilliant rays explode from your chest
And you cry out and you melt and you heal
Don’t look away, don’t look away
Stay here
Stay here
Stay present
My love for you has no time or conditions
If you’ll let me
You have before
Love is cataclysmically beautiful
It demands pain
Nothing else has the power to heal and destroy
Shiva love
Don’t you dare fucking run away
Don’t you fucking run away
Stay here
Stay present
Stay in me

- Righteous Mamma -

I stand in tornadoes.
I welcome with open arms
  The wind that whips my hair
     And stings my cheeks.
My feet sink roots into the earth.
I grow twelve feet tall.
My bones harden.
In all that churns around me,
I stand strong and still.
I draw my power from our mother,
From the woman who brings me beauty and sorrow.
I gaze on the human condition with my deep empathy and understanding.
The lightning crackles out the top of my head.
I am a force of nature.
I am a righteous daughter of the moon, sun, stars.
Millions of lifetimes have filtered my soul.
My lungs breathe in air that once filled me a millennium ago.
My feet walk barefooted over earth that is familiar.
Thousands of my love stories dance in the chambers of my heart.
I fall in love with everything.
I hold the weight of crying children's heavy feelings on my shoulders,
And still I call for more.
My strength is bendable, tangible, unbreakable.

- Pleasantly Hopeless -

For two wordsmiths,
   We are fumbling,
      And stumbling,
         And tripping.

I'm letting my body,
   My kisses,
      My touch,
         My heart,
Do the speaking.

- Atlas -

Even on my lightest days
My shadow follows me.
I lay in my attic
   Spread on the floor
And the only arms that wrap around me are my own
I don’t trust anyone to hold my hurt
Because if it overwhelms me,
How will it not drown anyone else?
My back is twisted from carrying a lifetime of heavy.

- Top of the World -

I prefer dark, cold, rainy fall days.
Everyone hides away
And there's no expectation for productivity
Or pretentious cheerful attitudes.
I can let down the corners of my mouth,
Give my sunshine momentary pause,
And breathe.

- Gut Pit -

I lay curled up in your cold bed.  You rest so innocently next to me.  I forgot about the raw gut pit wound, that feels like my insides are being clawed open.  Thanks for reminding me.

The gut pit wound is different than my throbbing heart wound that is centered between my breasts- That wound will always exist and ache.  It is the wound where light and love enter and leave.  It is the portal to my heart.

The gut pit raw wound churns.  It is my intuition telling me to run.  It is pure black hurt that rips my constitution apart, and is the only thing that feels like death.

I had forgotten that feeling until last night.  I had forgotten what hot tears feel like as they make little searing paths down my cold cheeks.  I had forgotten how hard it is to breathe.  I had forgotten how my stomach threatens to turn inside out.

Thanks for reminding me.

- Zeus and Hera -

I'll know him when I find him.
He's the one who has traversed this immortal world
Next to my side
For thousands of years

We, two forces of nature,
Aligned in our strength and softness and power.

He is the only one with arms strong enough to hold me,
For I hold the world.

He does not blink at the intense love and wrath and joy
That shoots forward from my chest.

He catches it in his arms,
Revels in the beauty,
And smiles.